By Theresita Joseph
For as long as I can remember, decision
making has always been my biggest weakness. My mind flicks back to several
moments in my teenage years when my dad would agonisingly wait in shops with me
as I contemplated whether or not to buy or return an outfit, to only to later
sit in the car and wonder in the drive back whether it was the right decision.
Of course, the maturity of my decisions have slightly progressed since then (my
dad will probably disagree), however the same chest tightness and anxiety quickly
returns whenever a new problem finds its way into my life.
Over last Christmas, I became pretty overwhelmed
trying to make some big decisions about the next few years ahead, ranging from
relationship matters to those with pretty massive academic and financial
changes. Whilst trying to turn these decisions to prayer, I still experienced
the restless and often numbing emotions of fear, confusion and worry. However,
I started to think about why as humans we tend to get so stressed about the
process of decision making, and realised it comes down to three main things:
1) Fear of failure or the ‘wrong decision’,
2) Fear of the Unknown,
3) Fear of disappointment from ourselves, and from
others.
All three are linked together by an inability to trust in
ourselves, and perhaps the more challenging aspect of wholeheartedly trusting
that whatever we choose and no matter the outcome, God will remain by our side
and won’t let us down.
Luke
1:26-56 - An angel appears to Mary
Reflecting on Luke’s Gospel during the
final Sunday of Advent before Christmas, it was the first time I properly
appreciated the gravity of the decision that Mary was presented with when angel
Gabriel visited her at the Annunciation.
To those that want to be re-acquainted
with this moment, here is the Bible passage below:
'26 During
Elizabeth’s sixth month of pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a
town in Galilee, 27 to a virgin.
She was engaged to marry a man named Joseph from the family of David. Her name
was Mary. 28 The angel came to her and
said, “Greetings! The Lord has blessed
you and is with you.”
29 But Mary was very startled by what the
angel said and wondered what this greeting might mean.
30 The angel
said to her, “Don’t be afraid, Mary; God
has shown you his grace. 31 Listen! You
will become pregnant and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. 32 He will be
great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him
the throne of King David, his ancestor. 33 He will rule
over the people of Jacob forever, and his kingdom will never end.”
34 Mary said to
the angel, “How will this happen since I am a virgin?”
35 The angel
said to Mary, “The Holy Spirit will come
upon you, and the power of the Most High will cover you. For this reason the baby will be holy and
will be called the Son of God. 36 Now
Elizabeth, your relative, is also pregnant with a son though she is very old.
Everyone thought she could not have a baby, but she has been pregnant for six
months. 37 God can do anything!”
38 Mary said, “I am the servant of the Lord. Let this
happen to me as you say!” Then the angel went away.'
Let’s try to put this story into
context. Imagine going about your day, when an angel appears out of nowhere and
tells you that you have been chosen to become the Mother of the Son of God
right now, irrespective of where your life/work/relationship status is
currently at. That should change your day, and the rest of your life, by a more
than just a bit. There must have been so many questions running through Mary’s
head: ‘Why me? Why now? What will my
family say? How can I explain this to Joseph? How will society react? What kind
of life will the Son of God lead? What impact will this have on my life? What
about my plans? How is this all even possible?!’ Yet, unlike other major
figures in the Bible, such as Abraham or Moses, who first hesitated or refused
before finally saying ‘yes’ to God, Mary did not waiver, and humbly surrendered
to God’s plan, placing all her trust in Him despite the countless uncertainties
that now laid before her.
Accepting
the consequences, trusting the goodness to come
Mary’s acceptance to do God’s will doesn’t
mean that she wouldn’t have experienced periods of doubt or fear during her
life. Indeed, whilst the process of decision making is challenging itself, often
the hardest part is accepting the turbulent consequences that can come about.
Many times, our decisions do not turn out the way we planned, and we can find
ourselves in new difficulties, often looking back and regretting not choosing
another option. It is in these times that we can lose hope, both in ourselves
and in God, and lose sight of the opportunities ahead. Mary herself must have felt
several of these emotions during her personal journey as the mother of Christ;
right from the start of travelling for miles with Joseph by donkey through the
night to eventually give birth in a Bethlehem stable, to finally having to
watch this child that she bore and raised to be tortured, crucified and killed
before her eyes. During these moments, Mary certainly must have had the
overwhelming doubt of what the point of
it all was, as many of us do in the low times of our lives.
Yet, if Mary did not go through any of
those devastating hurdles, we wouldn’t today have the opportunity of such a
personal relationship with God through Jesus. The salvation that Jesus was
going to bring us all wouldn’t have even been imaginable as what God’s plan
truly was during her life, yet though she did not know, she trusted in God from
the start. Thus, Mary teaches us how to believe in God during our own personal
battles, even when we don’t understand them, as she remained anchored to the
faith that God was using these moments in her for His own bigger and better
plan.
“It’s the faithful ‘yes’ that
heals disobedience, the available ‘yes’ that flips the selfishness of sin”
Pope
Francis
Indeed, during the feast of the
Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception on the 8th of December, Pope Francis
explained that Mary’s response was the ‘most
important ‘yes’ in history’. Specifically, he explored the contrast of how
Mary’s ‘yes’ reopened the path for God to be amongst us, which had been closed
since man’s first downfall from choosing ‘no’ at the Garden of Eden. Through
Mary’s commitment to become the Mother of God, we can celebrate both the beauty
of Christ’s life on Earth and the freedom that his death and resurrection brought
to us all. Equally, just as Mary carried Jesus, we too can nurture God’s word
within our own hearts and use it to strengthen others, so that Jesus can
continue to be brought into the lives of his brothers and sisters.
Do
we say yes to God in our lives?
So, during this New Year, take time to dwell
on the exceptional surrender of Mary to God’s mysterious plan that allowed
Jesus to enter into our world. Use her ‘yes’ as an inspiration to renew your
own commitment to God, and say ‘yes’ to Him in the different ways He reveals His
plans for your life. This ‘yes’ might itself be the act of faith in believing
in God, or opening your eyes to the love and influence He already has had. Mary’s
decision can challenge you to be braver in saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to certain options
or temptations that you might find yourself presented with this year. Equally,
it might prompt you to pursue a desire or calling that you have wrestled with
in your heart, and let go of the fears that stop you from trusting in them.
Reflecting on the past year, what aspects
of your life have made you a better person and helped you feel closer to God,
and what things took you away from Him? Contemplate on what changes or choices
you want to make, and for those that you are unsure of, take the opportunity to
invite the Holy Spirit into your heart for the gifts of courage, wisdom and
peace to help you discern what is best. Be open to the different ways in which
this may be revealed to you; be through a friend, a post, a new opportunity or
even a strong feeling; but trust the timing of what you experience, for as
we’ve learnt; God works in mysterious ways. There may also be an element of
accepting that there is not always a right decision; but having the faith that
in whatever path you choose, God will be behind you, will provide the confidence
that there is always goodness waiting to come out of any situation.
'Trust in the Lord with all
your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways
acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.'
Proverbs. 3:5-6
Since first writing this post over
Christmas, God has worked absolute wonders over the past few weeks in gently
answering all the questions and decisions I had been battling with. I would
have never expected for the way my situation is slowly and miraculously turning
out, and whilst I am processing even bigger changes for this year than I could
have imagined and an incredible amount of unknowns, I have confidence that God
won’t let me down. I’ve come to realise that faith isn’t about trusting what you can see, but trusting the strength
within yourself that God has placed. I truly hope that all of you reading
this may have the faith to place your own heart and life with God and see where
He takes you, as once you start your walk with Him; you are never alone.
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